Seeking Pt. I: Do it.

One of the goals of this blog will be to encourage other clergy to enter the process of seeking their own sabbaticals. Hopefully through my mistakes, reading, successes, and just overall journey it will encourage others to do it as well. So here goes my first bit of advice. Just do it. (In no way is this blog endorsed by Nike, though if they want to send some Iowa gear my way I’d be happy to take it. Go Hawks!). As clergy we tend to be overly analytic in our view of things and we are terrible about putting our own needs above those the people we serve. That is the whole point of servant leadership after all. We tend to push off our own needs whatever they might be until some mythical time known as “later.” “After Christmas, I’ll take a break,” we say not counting on the funerals that await us then. Or, “when Easter is over then I’ll go on vacation.” Which most of us usually get the opportunity to do. Or, when x, y, z happens then I’ll bring it up. We delay, often for good reasons sometimes for not such good reasons, what we need to take care of our own faith, growth, care and life. But we do so at our own detriment.

I don’t know how many times I’ve looked at the Lilly Foundation Grant as a possibility for a sabbatical over the years of my ministry. Just the idea of it lightened my heart and opened my mind to dream about what might be possible. It felt good. It felt like something I should seek. I will be in my 16th year of ministry this June and just now am I even trying. Why? Because…later. Because…not now. Because…I can’t. Because…excuse #523. Enough of the excuses. Enough of pushing it off later. Just go for it. Just try. Who knows what might happen!

All the books that I’ve read so far on the topic suggest that introducing the idea of a sabbatical should be as part of the call negations between a congregation and pastor. But I’m guessing for most of us that didn’t happen for a variety of reasons. Perhaps our ecclesial jurisdictions do not include it in their paperwork. Perhaps it hadn’t been on our radar during negotiations. Or more likely than anything we are just so excited about serving a new parish that we’re willing to not ask for anything or say anything that might end up jeopardizing that potential call. And a sabbatical, in those congregations that has never given their pastor one would be a big pill for them to swallow.

Most of us have to bring this up in the midst of our pastorate, where we have served faithfully for a number of years. And that brings its own challenges with it given the ever changing dynamics of a parish’s life. It becomes quite easy to talk ourselves out of even doing it, because it’s “not the right time,” “it’ll be too difficult,” or “I need to be here for this or that event,” etc. We can talk ourselves out of any self care pretty darn easily. As a personal example, I brought up the idea of pursuing the grant and the sabbatical to my then council president in January of 2022. I never brought it up again the rest of the year. Why? Honestly, probably a combination of fear, anxiety, and still dealing with the fallout from Covid. I told myself, “maybe I’ll do it when….” Now some might think, “well it’s only one year later.” And that’s true, but it’s at least a two-year process. So everything that been pushed back one year. Instead of taking a sabbatical in my 8th year of ministry here. It might be my 9th. (Assuming everything goes well).

Another reason we push things off is we don’t want to disrupt the congregation or bring up anything that might be challenging intentionally. There’s a fear of controversy clergy possess, usually because there are so many other little controversies congregations have to contend with. We don’t want to be our own cause of the fires that we will have to put out. Bringing up a sabbatical will do that. But, if we don’t bring it up. We’ve already killed the idea before the congregation has even had a chance to pray and discern what could be. Don’t be your own “no.” Just do it! Yes, be cognizant of the needs of your parish and its current condition. But be your own advocate! Give God the chance to work through this process of discernment. Value yourself enough as a pastor to take a chance that the people of God might just say yes.

As clergy we also pride ourselves on our knowledge and education. Likely none of us have gone through this process before and so that in and of itself is intimidating. What do I do? How do I begin? What’s the best way to broach the subject? I know I like to have most of those questions answered before I venture into anything. Except this time. For some reason, I through a bit of caution to the wind, knowing I needed just to start before I let another year pass by. Yes, I probably didn’t begin in the best most polished of ways. Yes, people have already raised concerns (p.s. someone always will there’s no way around this.) Yes, I’ve been asked for clarifications about the process. Fires which I’m already trying to abate as much as is possible. But if I hadn’t even brought it up, I’d still be sitting on my hands, churning it over in my mind, and letting another year pass by. It’d be another year to let the malaise that Covid left me in linger and continue to snuff out the joy of parish ministry in me (more on that in a future post). I figured better to try and fail, then to languish another year without knowing.

If you’re like me at all and frequently use these excuses, I would encourage you to leave your fears to the side and just go for it. The worst that can happen is you’re in the very same place you are today a year from now. But you will have at least tried. You will have at least brought up the discussion. And possibly made it a potentiality for later on down the road. Take a chance on yourself. Stand up for your own self care, especially for those of us who ministered during the pandemic. Your people won’t know what toll that took on your mind and spirit unless you tell them. This process is already teaching me to be vulnerable about these things with my people. That is a fine line clergy must walk. They must always remain pastorally professional. But it’s okay to let them know that service in the Church for the sake of the Church exhausts and wounds us. It’s okay to let them know we’re only human too.

So my fellow clergy, if you’re thinking or have thought about applying for a sabbatical for sometime or have thought about bringing it up to your congregation, just go for it. Just start. Somewhere. Anywhere. Just do it. Don’t let more time pass by while you bring up all the reasons/excuses why now’s not the right time, or why you can’t possibly do it. Your people will come up with plenty of reasons/excuses why you can’t go on sabbatical. They don’t need your help in this. Rather be your own advocate. Voice your own needs for growth, renewal, and rest. Try. Just try. And if it doesn’t pan out now, it may in the future. At least you’ve already broached the subject and put the idea before your people. Bring it up and commend it into the merciful hands of the Lord of the Sabbath.